Yugo let out a disgruntled sigh as he roughly rubbed his face, knocking his glasses out of place.
“Hey. What's your problem?”
Through his blurry vision, he looked over to Juri sitting in his cube beside him.
It was just the two of them in their small office at the moment. The other four were out dealing with distribution or managing authors.They all worked for a company that produced boy’s love comics. Don't ask how they got there, they just did. What made money, made money after all, and good comrades made the job all the more bearable.
“It's H-san,” Yugo huffed, leaning back over his desk to stare at his email window that was still completely barren. “She needs some ideas for her next series, but I can't think of a single thing.”
Juri hummed, tapping away on his keyboard and ending it with a grandiose press of his enter key before he pushed back, his office chair rolling loudly against the linoleum floor with his arms crossed.
“What happened to the story about the two ex-lovers who meet back together but are on weird uncomfortable terms?”
Yugo shook his head. “No, she wrote that already. It's a favorite, but there's only so many ways to write it.”
“The two long time friends where one is completely in love with the other but doesn't know how to confess?”
“That's been done too,” Yugo said as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs. “She's really trying to look for something fresh.”
Juri frowned.
“Okay… How about the bottom that's obsessed with the puppy dog type top.”
“She did that years ago.”
“Radiant top who loves the emotionally constipated bottom.”
“No–”
“Two long time friends who have come to love and appreciate each other over time?”
“Nah.”
“A top who's in complete servitude to the bottom.”
“That's so old school…”
The list went on and on.
The flirt with the quiet modest type.
The strong energetic with the sleepy shut in.
The seductive with the stubborn.
Nothing hadn't been done and nothing quite had that spark Yugo was hoping for.
He wanted something new and inspiring. Emotional but fun. Digestible and easy on the palette but still gave the stomach a squeeze of excitement.
Yugo’s blank email continued to stare back at him while Juri reclined back in his chair, his eyes up at the ceiling as they both were lost in thought.
They dug deep inside themselves, trying to find anything at all that would give them an idea or at least jump start a train of thought. The book Hokuto brought to work, the story Jesse told before, the game Juri played the night before. Even the groceries Yugo bought last week and the coffee and the lunch they shared with the team, but none brought any inspiration.
Neither of them looked up when the office door creaked open, choosing to stay in their thoughts over Taiga and Shintaro who came bustling in.
Taiga shivered, quickly brushing the rain off the shoulders of his suit. “My God, it's freezing in here!!” He shuddered as he went to his desk to set his bag down. “How are the two of you sitting in this temperature!?”
Juri didn't lower his eyes from the ceiling, still staring at the ridges in the textured boards as he called back. “Because I knew it’d be cold and I put on extra layers, Kyomo. You should too.”
Taiga huffed in protest as he hurriedly stripped himself of his damp suit jacket before slipping past Shintaro, avoiding the wet umbrella he put in a clear courtesy sleeve to check the thermostat.
“Hey–!” Shintaro whined, once seeing Taiga raise the temperature several degrees. “Don't turn it up too high or it'll get stuffy and hot!”
Before Shintaro could strong-arm Taiga away from the temperature setting, which he easily could have, Taiga turned it back down with a sigh, settling for something in between. “I don't get how you're so hot bodied.”
“You've always been like this since we were kids.”
Juri’s eyes were no longer on the ceiling.
If anyone were to ask him when he stopped, he wouldn't have been able to tell you.
But it didn't change how his eyes were trained on his coworkers as the figurative lightbulb in his head turned on.
His chair rolled close to Yugo, beckoning him closer with his finger as Yugo tilted his head to lean in.
“Hey,” Juri whispered.
“What about brothers?”
Yugo’s face twisted a little.
“Brothers?...”
Juri nodded.
“Right. Brothers.”
Yugo glanced over at him, finding Juri’s gaze completely undirected from his. “We can't do that. Even in BL, we don't write stories with brothers.”
“Okay, sure. They're brothers–” Juri explained.
“But they're not brothers.”
Finally, Yugo followed Juri’s line of sight.
At the other end of the office, Taiga and Shintaro bickered, but not in a way that held any hostility. Taiga would say something that Shintaro knew he was right about, but would protest only for the sake of being contrarian. The two of them had met as children and had spent most of their life together, either close or at a close distance, and somehow, they were still together to this day.
… Like brothers.
Yugo’s brow pinched.
“It still doesn't feel right…” he said in a low voice. “If they're brothers, then that's no good. We don't allow stories with incest.”
Juri leaned into Yugo’s desk. “No, you don't understand. They're brothers, but they're not brothers,” he said, using his hands to represent the separation.
“But still…”
“You’re acting like this is unheard of. There's tons of stories about half brothers or adopted brothers and people loved it. No one started a fuss about those, right?”
“But just using the plot of brothers isn't very good, is it? Isn't that kind of fetishizing something forbidden?”
“No, no. You don't understand. ‘Brothers’ is just the dynamic. Not the plot.”
“Juri, I just don't think—” Yugo started with a sigh, but Juri waved his hand, cutting him off.
“Just hear me out.”
From the corner of his eye, Juri glanced at the other pair again.
He watched as Taiga tucked the strands of his blonde hair behind his ear before rubbing his arm with a shiver.
“The older brother. The bottom. Pretty, quiet and reliable.”
Yugo hesitantly began to type.
“... Okay… go on.”
Juri’s eyes shifted to Shintaro.
Shintaro rolled up the cuffs of his sleeves up to his forearms as he glanced over at Taiga’s manuscript. Juri couldn't hear what he said as Shintaro pointed to a panel, but the way Taiga huffed out a laugh before sweeping his hand away, it must have been one of his usual jokes.
“The younger brother. Bright and carefree. Outgoing.”
Yugo nodded, continuing to write down whatever Juri said just for the sake of keeping record.
“The setting?”
Juri closed his eyes, thinking for a moment before speaking.
“How about they grow up with each other? Their parents know each other and they meet when they're young.”
“Sure.”
“The older is kind and patient and plays with the younger. They like the same things. He's like the older brother he doesn't have.”
“Okay–...”
“The younger is cute. He's fun and playful and attaches to him quickly. It's endearing and sweet.”
“Mhm.”
“Then they grow up. They're still with each other.”
“Okay…”
“The younger is now taller. He's stronger and reliable. The older has become more beautiful in his age and radiant.”
Yugo double tapped his enter key to make a new line. “And the younger boy falls in love with the older?”
Juri hit the back of his hand against Yugo’s arm. “Exactly.”
“The older boy could even start to fall for the younger’s broadened physique and charm.”
“Uh huh…”
“But it's complicated.”
“Hm?”
“Because they're brothers.”
Yugo sighed again, dropping his hands away from his keyboard. “I don't know about the brothers thing… It just doesn't feel right…”
Juri waved his hand as he tried to pull Yugo back into his point. “No, the part where they're brothers is what makes it interesting.”
“I don't know…”
“The fact that they’re brothers is what causes the conflict, you see. They've always loved each other in a familial way. Being together is comfortable and it's always been comfortable, but one of them starts to realize in their maturity that maybe their feelings are more than that.”
“I know but–”
“The fact that they are brothers is what makes them hesitant because they don't want to lose the person they love but they can't deny the feelings they're having. The older could even be uncomfortable with the younger’s confession because he's always seen him as a little brother. Do you get it?”
“I get it but–”
“But what??” Juri said as he slumped into Yugo’s desk.
“They're brothers,” Yugo emphasized.
Juri huffed as he grabbed Yugo’s arm and emphasized back.
“But they're not brothers.”
“Hey–”
Both of them looked up from their quiet spat when Shintaro’s voice suddenly cut in to find him and Taiga standing aside Yugo’s desk.
Yugo quickly lowered the screen of his laptop as Juri gave them an innocent smile, pretending not to notice how Taiga pulled the zipper of Shintaro’s hoodie up onto himself while Shintaro was dressed as if it might as well have been summer.
Shintaro shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks as he raised an eyebrow. “What are you two mumbling about?”
“Nothing—!”
Juri and Yugo spoke in a suspicious unison before they shared a silent guilty glance to one another, but thankfully Taiga was too busy trying to warm himself while Shintaro simply didn't have the time of day to catch such small details in their behavior.
“Listen, I want to ask something,” Shintaro asked, leaning his hip against Hokuto’s vacant desk.
Juri nodded, rolling himself back to his own cube as Yugo leaned over his computer again, quickly closing his notes.
“Sure, what's up?”
“If one of our authors asked you to kiss one of our colleagues, would you do it?”
Shintaro was never the type to pull punches.
But that didn't change the fact that it still shocked the two of them as Juri simply laughed and Yugo looked up at him in disbelief.
“Huh??”
Taiga tugged the just oversized hoodie up on his shoulders before flipping up the hood over his head. “She wanted a reference. I told her to find references online but she insisted on having a live reference.”
“So did you do–” Juri started, but Shintaro spoke over him, as he often did.
“Would you do it? Would you kiss him?”
Juri’s lips created a thin line as he thought, though he was surprised when Yugo spoke first.
“... Depends…”
“See?” Taiga perked up, jamming his finger into Shintaro’s chest. “I told you–”
“If it's Jesse or Juri, I could maybe do it since they wouldn't make it weird afterwards.”
Shintaro rubbed the spot as he frowned. “Okay, what about you, Juri?”
“If the author really needed it, then sure why not.”
“Right??”
Shintaro pointed at Juri enthusiastically, looking at Taiga beside him who sighed. “If she needed it, what's the problem??”
Taiga shook his head, already heading back to his desk. “I don't want to kiss you!”
Shintaro followed after. “Would you kiss Hokuto??”
“No!!”
“Then who would you pick, me or Hokuto??”
“Hokuto—"
“What?!? Why not me!?! We've known each other for so long, it wouldn't make it weird!”
“No! That's the exact reason why it's weird! I knew you as a kid!!”
Their bickering continued.
Yugo watched, his mind and eyes both tired as the two voices echoed off the walls of their cluttered office before he felt a tap on his shoulder.
Juri was back beside him with a smile on his lips.
“So, brothers.”
He sighed as he started to type.
“I don't know… I'll write it but I'm still not sure about this. They're brothers, Juri.”
“But they're not brothers, Kochi.”
Since when have you been so big?
Shintaro used to be so small.
Taiga could still remember when he first met him. Three years younger. A bright exciting smile. A young frustration.
“Hey. You move your feet like this then you hold your arms out like this?”
His eyes seemed to sparkle.
“Like this?”
“Yeah! Just like that!”
Your voice used to be so high.
Everyone thought Shintaro was so cute. He was. He was adorable with a cherub like face and a cheery composure that never seemed to falter.
Always lively, he said so himself.
Always energetic. Always happy.
You were so small back then.
“Hold my hand, okay?”
“Okay!”
“We don't want to get lost.”
It was just the two of them back then. There were so many others, but with them it was different.
Somehow, Shintaro had grown a following. It was no surprise when he already shined so brightly. People were even afraid of him and his unwavering confidence. Little Shintaro had everyone under his big thumb.
Except Taiga.
“You stole my cards!!!”
“Nope, you gave them to me fair and square.”
I'm sorry I made you cry.
Taiga didn't know how many more tears Shintaro would shed later.
As bright as Shintaro was, it only meant how much harder he burned.
There was nothing Taiga could do.
He could only stay beside him as everyone else left.
Taiga wished he could help him feel big again. Strong again. But he couldn't even dry his tears.
Shintaro was a prideful person. He knew it would only hurt him more.
Taiga had his own pride too.
But things looked bright for a moment.
It was exciting for all of them to get a role in the drama, with Shintaro at the lead.
All of them were broken pieces, trying to fit together.
You, especially, were trying to get us all to fit, weren't you?
Jesse, Juri, Hokuto, Yugo, you and me.
But the adults didn't agree.
Taiga watched Shintaro cry again through his own tears.
At least, they had each other.
At least, they were thrown out together.
And sometimes miracles did happen though it took some time.
A name. A unit. A group.
Jesse. Juri. Hokuto. Yugo. You. And me.
A debut.
A future.
Together. Still.
You got so big.
Everything about Shintaro grew so big. His body. His muscles. His smile. His height. Now, he was taller than Taiga, though just barely, but that one centimeter was enough to count.
“Since when did you get so big?”
Shintaro turned to him, at first surprised, before laughing loud enough for it to echo off the practice room walls.
“You're only asking that now?”
Taiga smiled as he wiped his brow.
“I remember when you were so small.”
“And I remember when you were so big. When did you get so small?”
Taiga laughed.
I can't wait to see you grow bigger.
Burn brighter. Stronger, until you can tear a whole city down.
I can't wait to see where we'll go next.
Together.
Still.