Yugo let out a disgruntled sigh as he roughly rubbed his face, knocking his glasses out of place.
“Hey. What's your problem?”
Through his blurry vision, he looked over to Juri sitting in his cube beside him.
It was just the two of them in their small office at the moment. The other four were out dealing with distribution or managing authors.They all worked for a company that produced boy’s love comics. Don't ask how they got there, they just did. What made money, made money after all, and good comrades made the job all the more bearable.
“It's H-san,” Yugo huffed, leaning back over his desk to stare at his email window that was still completely barren. “She needs some ideas for her next series, but I can't think of a single thing.”
Juri hummed, tapping away on his keyboard and ending it with a grandiose press of his enter key before he pushed back, his office chair rolling loudly against the linoleum floor with his arms crossed.
“What happened to the story about the two ex-lovers who meet back together but are on weird uncomfortable terms?”
Yugo shook his head. “No, she wrote that already. It's a favorite, but there's only so many ways to write it.”
“The two long time friends where one is completely in love with the other but doesn't know how to confess?”
“That's been done too,” Yugo said as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs. “She's really trying to look for something fresh.”
Juri frowned.
“Okay… How about the bottom that's obsessed with the puppy dog type top.”
“She did that years ago.”
“Radiant top who loves the emotionally constipated bottom.”
“No–”
“Two long time friends who have come to love and appreciate each other over time?”
“Nah.”
“A top who's in complete servitude to the bottom.”
“That's so old school…”
The list went on and on.
The flirt with the quiet modest type.
The strong energetic with the sleepy shut in.
The seductive with the stubborn.
Nothing hadn't been done and nothing quite had that spark Yugo was hoping for.
He wanted something new and inspiring. Emotional but fun. Digestible and easy on the palette but still gave the stomach a squeeze of excitement.
Yugo’s blank email continued to stare back at him while Juri reclined back in his chair, his eyes up at the ceiling as they both were lost in thought.
They dug deep inside themselves, trying to find anything at all that would give them an idea or at least jump start a train of thought. The book Hokuto brought to work, the story Jesse told before, the game Juri played the night before. Even the groceries Yugo bought last week and the coffee and the lunch they shared with the team, but none brought any inspiration.
Neither of them looked up when the office door creaked open, choosing to stay in their thoughts over Taiga and Shintaro who came bustling in.
Taiga shivered, quickly brushing the rain off the shoulders of his suit. “My God, it's freezing in here!!” He shuddered as he went to his desk to set his bag down. “How are the two of you sitting in this temperature!?”
Juri didn't lower his eyes from the ceiling, still staring at the ridges in the textured boards as he called back. “Because I knew it’d be cold and I put on extra layers, Kyomo. You should too.”
Taiga huffed in protest as he hurriedly stripped himself of his damp suit jacket before slipping past Shintaro, avoiding the wet umbrella he put in a clear courtesy sleeve to check the thermostat.
“Hey–!” Shintaro whined, once seeing Taiga raise the temperature several degrees. “Don't turn it up too high or it'll get stuffy and hot!”
Before Shintaro could strong-arm Taiga away from the temperature setting, which he easily could have, Taiga turned it back down with a sigh, settling for something in between. “I don't get how you're so hot bodied.”
“You've always been like this since we were kids.”
Juri’s eyes were no longer on the ceiling.
If anyone were to ask him when he stopped, he wouldn't have been able to tell you.
But it didn't change how his eyes were trained on his coworkers as the figurative lightbulb in his head turned on.
His chair rolled close to Yugo, beckoning him closer with his finger as Yugo tilted his head to lean in.
“Hey,” Juri whispered.
“What about brothers?”
Yugo’s face twisted a little.
“Brothers?...”
Juri nodded.
“Right. Brothers.”
Yugo glanced over at him, finding Juri’s gaze completely undirected from his. “We can't do that. Even in BL, we don't write stories with brothers.”
“Okay, sure. They're brothers–” Juri explained.
“But they're not brothers.”
Finally, Yugo followed Juri’s line of sight.
At the other end of the office, Taiga and Shintaro bickered, but not in a way that held any hostility. Taiga would say something that Shintaro knew he was right about, but would protest only for the sake of being contrarian. The two of them had met as children and had spent most of their life together, either close or at a close distance, and somehow, they were still together to this day.
… Like brothers.
Yugo’s brow pinched.
“It still doesn't feel right…” he said in a low voice. “If they're brothers, then that's no good. We don't allow stories with incest.”
Juri leaned into Yugo’s desk. “No, you don't understand. They're brothers, but they're not brothers,” he said, using his hands to represent the separation.
“But still…”
“You’re acting like this is unheard of. There's tons of stories about half brothers or adopted brothers and people loved it. No one started a fuss about those, right?”
“But just using the plot of brothers isn't very good, is it? Isn't that kind of fetishizing something forbidden?”
“No, no. You don't understand. ‘Brothers’ is just the dynamic. Not the plot.”
“Juri, I just don't think—” Yugo started with a sigh, but Juri waved his hand, cutting him off.
“Just hear me out.”
From the corner of his eye, Juri glanced at the other pair again.
He watched as Taiga tucked the strands of his blonde hair behind his ear before rubbing his arm with a shiver.
“The older brother. The bottom. Pretty, quiet and reliable.”
Yugo hesitantly began to type.
“... Okay… go on.”
Juri’s eyes shifted to Shintaro.
Shintaro rolled up the cuffs of his sleeves up to his forearms as he glanced over at Taiga’s manuscript. Juri couldn't hear what he said as Shintaro pointed to a panel, but the way Taiga huffed out a laugh before sweeping his hand away, it must have been one of his usual jokes.
“The younger brother. Bright and carefree. Outgoing.”
Yugo nodded, continuing to write down whatever Juri said just for the sake of keeping record.
“The setting?”
Juri closed his eyes, thinking for a moment before speaking.
“How about they grow up with each other? Their parents know each other and they meet when they're young.”
“Sure.”
“The older is kind and patient and plays with the younger. They like the same things. He's like the older brother he doesn't have.”
“Okay–...”
“The younger is cute. He's fun and playful and attaches to him quickly. It's endearing and sweet.”
“Mhm.”
“Then they grow up. They're still with each other.”
“Okay…”
“The younger is now taller. He's stronger and reliable. The older has become more beautiful in his age and radiant.”
Yugo double tapped his enter key to make a new line. “And the younger boy falls in love with the older?”
Juri hit the back of his hand against Yugo’s arm. “Exactly.”
“The older boy could even start to fall for the younger’s broadened physique and charm.”
“Uh huh…”
“But it's complicated.”
“Hm?”
“Because they're brothers.”
Yugo sighed again, dropping his hands away from his keyboard. “I don't know about the brothers thing… It just doesn't feel right…”
Juri waved his hand as he tried to pull Yugo back into his point. “No, the part where they're brothers is what makes it interesting.”
“I don't know…”
“The fact that they’re brothers is what causes the conflict, you see. They've always loved each other in a familial way. Being together is comfortable and it's always been comfortable, but one of them starts to realize in their maturity that maybe their feelings are more than that.”
“I know but–”
“The fact that they are brothers is what makes them hesitant because they don't want to lose the person they love but they can't deny the feelings they're having. The older could even be uncomfortable with the younger’s confession because he's always seen him as a little brother. Do you get it?”
“I get it but–”
“But what??” Juri said as he slumped into Yugo’s desk.
“They're brothers,” Yugo emphasized.
Juri huffed as he grabbed Yugo’s arm and emphasized back.
“But they're not brothers.”
“Hey–”
Both of them looked up from their quiet spat when Shintaro’s voice suddenly cut in to find him and Taiga standing aside Yugo’s desk.
Yugo quickly lowered the screen of his laptop as Juri gave them an innocent smile, pretending not to notice how Taiga pulled the zipper of Shintaro’s hoodie up onto himself while Shintaro was dressed as if it might as well have been summer.
Shintaro shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks as he raised an eyebrow. “What are you two mumbling about?”
“Nothing—!”
Juri and Yugo spoke in a suspicious unison before they shared a silent guilty glance to one another, but thankfully Taiga was too busy trying to warm himself while Shintaro simply didn't have the time of day to catch such small details in their behavior.
“Listen, I want to ask something,” Shintaro asked, leaning his hip against Hokuto’s vacant desk.
Juri nodded, rolling himself back to his own cube as Yugo leaned over his computer again, quickly closing his notes.
“Sure, what's up?”
“If one of our authors asked you to kiss one of our colleagues, would you do it?”
Shintaro was never the type to pull punches.
But that didn't change the fact that it still shocked the two of them as Juri simply laughed and Yugo looked up at him in disbelief.
“Huh??”
Taiga tugged the just oversized hoodie up on his shoulders before flipping up the hood over his head. “She wanted a reference. I told her to find references online but she insisted on having a live reference.”
“So did you do–” Juri started, but Shintaro spoke over him, as he often did.
“Would you do it? Would you kiss him?”
Juri’s lips created a thin line as he thought, though he was surprised when Yugo spoke first.
“... Depends…”
“See?” Taiga perked up, jamming his finger into Shintaro’s chest. “I told you–”
“If it's Jesse or Juri, I could maybe do it since they wouldn't make it weird afterwards.”
Shintaro rubbed the spot as he frowned. “Okay, what about you, Juri?”
“If the author really needed it, then sure why not.”
“Right??”
Shintaro pointed at Juri enthusiastically, looking at Taiga beside him who sighed. “If she needed it, what's the problem??”
Taiga shook his head, already heading back to his desk. “I don't want to kiss you!”
Shintaro followed after. “Would you kiss Hokuto??”
“No!!”
“Then who would you pick, me or Hokuto??”
“Hokuto—"
“What?!? Why not me!?! We've known each other for so long, it wouldn't make it weird!”
“No! That's the exact reason why it's weird! I knew you as a kid!!”
Their bickering continued.
Yugo watched, his mind and eyes both tired as the two voices echoed off the walls of their cluttered office before he felt a tap on his shoulder.
Juri was back beside him with a smile on his lips.
“So, brothers.”
He sighed as he started to type.
“I don't know… I'll write it but I'm still not sure about this. They're brothers, Juri.”
“But they're not brothers, Kochi.”
Since when have you been so big?
Shintaro used to be so small.
Taiga could still remember when he first met him. Three years younger. A bright exciting smile. A young frustration.
“Hey. You move your feet like this then you hold your arms out like this?”
His eyes seemed to sparkle.
“Like this?”
“Yeah! Just like that!”
Your voice used to be so high.
Everyone thought Shintaro was so cute. He was. He was adorable with a cherub like face and a cheery composure that never seemed to falter.
Always lively, he said so himself.
Always energetic. Always happy.
You were so small back then.
“Hold my hand, okay?”
“Okay!”
“We don't want to get lost.”
It was just the two of them back then. There were so many others, but with them it was different.
Somehow, Shintaro had grown a following. It was no surprise when he already shined so brightly. People were even afraid of him and his unwavering confidence. Little Shintaro had everyone under his big thumb.
Except Taiga.
“You stole my cards!!!”
“Nope, you gave them to me fair and square.”
I'm sorry I made you cry.
Taiga didn't know how many more tears Shintaro would shed later.
As bright as Shintaro was, it only meant how much harder he burned.
There was nothing Taiga could do.
He could only stay beside him as everyone else left.
Taiga wished he could help him feel big again. Strong again. But he couldn't even dry his tears.
Shintaro was a prideful person. He knew it would only hurt him more.
Taiga had his own pride too.
But things looked bright for a moment.
It was exciting for all of them to get a role in the drama, with Shintaro at the lead.
All of them were broken pieces, trying to fit together.
You, especially, were trying to get us all to fit, weren't you?
Jesse, Juri, Hokuto, Yugo, you and me.
But the adults didn't agree.
Taiga watched Shintaro cry again through his own tears.
At least, they had each other.
At least, they were thrown out together.
And sometimes miracles did happen though it took some time.
A name. A unit. A group.
Jesse. Juri. Hokuto. Yugo. You. And me.
A debut.
A future.
Together. Still.
You got so big.
Everything about Shintaro grew so big. His body. His muscles. His smile. His height. Now, he was taller than Taiga, though just barely, but that one centimeter was enough to count.
“Since when did you get so big?”
Shintaro turned to him, at first surprised, before laughing loud enough for it to echo off the practice room walls.
“You're only asking that now?”
Taiga smiled as he wiped his brow.
“I remember when you were so small.”
“And I remember when you were so big. When did you get so small?”
Taiga laughed.
I can't wait to see you grow bigger.
Burn brighter. Stronger, until you can tear a whole city down.
I can't wait to see where we'll go next.
Together.
Still.
I like you.
It was just three words.
That's all it was. Just three simple words.
“Kyomocchan! I like you!”
When the young smiling Shintaro said them to him with a bright smile, it was like meeting a spring breeze, light and airy. Free and careless as the seasons escaped the cold of winter.
It made Taiga feel happy.
He had only exchanged such words with his parents and close family. He had never heard them from someone who wasn't of his own blood, but Shintaro was like family too.
Taiga didn't have any siblings or a younger brother, but for a moment, he felt the pride of an older sibling as Shintaro took his hand to cross the street with a big grin.
It was just three words.
“Me too! I like you too, Shintaro!”
Back then, Taiga couldn't have ever imagined the weight those three words could carry.
“Kyomo, I like you.”
“Huh?...”
Those three words started to carry another meaning with them.
They weren't kids anymore and hormones were surging through their bodies. They both had changed, but Shintaro especially.
The dazzling and bright Shintaro had transformed into a warm fire.
The last few years weren't easy. Friends he had thought were loyal had turned their backs on him at the drop of a pin. The spotlight that once shined on him had been turned away.
Taiga comforted him the best he could, but a hormonal teenager could only be consoled so much. Taiga, too, had his own problems with how he was told he would always be alone, along with how his voice never grew deeper and his face never turned sharper.
But despite it all, he wanted Shintaro to know that he was still there. His older brother was still with him.
Even as those three words no longer felt like a light breeze.
It scared him.
It was like laced candy. It looked the same as always but suddenly he wasn't sure if it would hold the same sweet flavor as it had before.
Everyone else their age didn't use those words to make the same airy sugary candy like they did.
But as Shintaro smiled at him with the same smile that never changed, Taiga swallowed the candy down.
“I like you too, Shintaro.”
This wasn't the first time or the last time Taiga took the candy.
For years after, Taiga found himself still taking the sweetened words.
They say that things in repetition begin to lose their flavor over time, like the same food began to lose its appeal. Words were no different, Taiga could testify.
After the many times of hearing those three words, their meaning began to fade.
“Thanks Kyomo! I like you!”
It was odd for two men in their twenties to exchange words like this, no less men in their twenties.
But he and Shintaro had always been like this where even the members didn't even spare a glance as he said his usual line after Taiga gave him a towel and a water during their break.
Brotherly love, the members and the fans called it.
Though, it had been forever since it last felt like that warm gentle breeze.
Taiga sighed as he buried his face in his towel.
Perhaps it was time for them to finally grow out of it.
Taiga was only a few years away from his thirties. Overall, he had a good mentality about it. Thirty was just another milestone in his age and it didn't change who he was or who he would be, but after almost fifteen years, some jokes got old.
Because this was a joke, right?
Their group was all too familiar with running gags into the ground. They used them over and over to make themselves laugh and smile, and for someone like Shintaro who wasn't too fond of skinship or displays of affection, this could only be a joke. It was like calling a younger sibling “lil’ bro” for a bit too long.
At their age, throwing those words around so freely could give the wrong impression to people who didn't understand. They might think that those delicate words they were using trivially as honest feelings.
It would be better if Shintaro saved them for the person he wished to keep in his heart. They should be kept for the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Sharing them with him was cheapening them with each use. Those precious words from Shintaro in Shintaro’s voice should be protected like treasures until they could be shared deserving of their worth.
But for as long as Shintaro said them, Taiga couldn't keep himself from saying them back.
Taiga let out a quiet sigh as buried his face in his towel.
“Yeah. I like you too…”
“Kyomoto.”
“Huh?”
“Do you want it?”
When Taiga looked up from his phone, he found a small box of chocolates held out before him by a hand decorated with familiar silver rings.
He was just as surprised as the rest of his members in the green room as they whispered and smiled in shock.
The rough past between him and Hokuto was no secret. It had been put out on full display for onlookers, fans, and people within their own company to pick on and tease them about. In recent years, their cold distance had narrowed from a cold winter into a mild spring.
Naturally, things still weren't perfect between them.
Interactions like this were few and far between, especially with things like this with romantic subtext. It managed to draw a blush to Taiga’s face, as he unconsciously checked twice to see if it was really Hokuto’s hand attached to the candies offered before him.
There wasn't really anything he could say besides yes. Anything else would shake the already delicate balance between him and Hokuto.
“Oh–... Uh, yeah. I'll take it–” he said. His words fumbled in his mouth, still hesitant to take the box that had been awkwardly held out in front of him for just a moment too long.
“Um… Why me?”
“... You've been dieting a lot recently, right? You've lost a lot of weight.”
“I got extra from the staff and you should eat something.”
Finally, Taiga took the box.
“Oh… Okay. Thanks, Hokuto.”
It was quiet enough to hear Hokuto’s shoes against the linoleum floors as he walked to his seat.
The moment he sat down, the room sprung back to life in a noisy chorus.
Juri shoved at Hokuto’s shoulder with his typical teasing grin. “Hey, isn't that nice?? Did you really have an extra or are you just being shy??”
“It's just extra!!” Hokuto snipped back, fixing his glasses on his nose. “I can't eat it all myself!!”
“With such a small box?? You could have just saved it or given it to family. You were really thinking about Kyomo, huh? Our Hokuto is really growing up!!”
“He also commented on his weight,” Jesse laughed. “I didn't think Hokuto would be watching Taiga so closely!”
Things were rapidly getting out of hand.
Any more teasing and Hokuto would gladly go back to their company authorized distance.
Thankfully, Yugo had enough sense to put it to a stop.
“Stop being so noisy! We’re all happy our members get along to settle down!”
“Work is starting soon.”
Instead of calming down, the teasing simply just changed targets to Yugo as Jesse put his arm around his shoulders, consoling him about his age. Still, the room has relaxed only because it had gone back to its typical bickering, but with the return of its usual pace, the missing voice became louder.
“... Where's Shintaro?”
Indeed, when Taiga looked around after Hokuto’s notice, their youngest member was nowhere to be found. Filming was due to start soon, but it wasn't the first time Shintaro lost track of time.
And like those times before, Taiga went out to find him.
“I'll be back soon.”
There weren't many places he could've been. Their office was large, but only so many of them were worth warranting a visit.
First, was the bathroom, for obvious reasons. Second, was the vending machines.
After finding them both vacant and quiet, Taiga was reminded of a third.
There was a place Shintaro liked to run to ever since he was a kid.
Shintaro was truly a boy of summer. He loved the sun and the sun loved him. No matter how cold it was, he loved the fresh breeze on his sun-kissed skin. Sometimes Taiga wondered if one day he would lose Shintaro to the gleaming ocean he loved so much.
When Taiga opened the door to the roof, Shintaro’s image fit perfectly within the bright blue sky.
“Shintaro,” he called to him.
Shintaro was leaning over the metal railing with his chin propped on top of his folded arms. Upon hearing his name, his head tilted in his arms, looking over to him as his usual smile grew on his lips.
“Kyomo.”
“What are you doing?” Taiga asked in a gentle scolding tone as he walked over, checking his watch.
It was about ten until the top of the hour. There was still a little time. The staff and the members would forgive them for being a little late.
“Wasn't it getting stuffy in there?”
“... Not particularly?”
Shintaro laughed his usual boyish laugh.
“Huh?? What do you mean?? You didn't feel like the air was super thick?? I swear I felt like I was drowning!”
This was Shintaro’s typical way of over exaggerating. Taiga chuckled.
“Not really. Are your lungs okay? Are you sick?”
Shintaro leaned his head into his arms, his messy dark locks spilling over them as he smiled.
“Sick of being inside maybe.”
As Taiga patted his wide back, his smile grew.
“Okay, okay. I got it.”
“But really, Shintaro…”
“Are you okay?”
Shintaro had grown up.
Ever since their debut, there was a maturity that blossomed in him. He wasn't a child anymore. His cute young voice was now deep and the baby fat in his cherub-like cheeks was gone. He didn't need someone to hold his hand when he crossed the street anymore. He was bigger than him now. Stronger, even.
“I'm okay.”
He didn't need his big brother to protect him anymore.
But his eyes were still as soft and sweet as when they first met.
“I like you, Kyomo.”
Why did he suddenly feel like crying?...
Why didn't Shintaro laugh after those words like he always did before?
How did time pass by so fast?
When did those innocent words become so heavy?
Taiga’s usual response became thick on his tongue and got stuck in his throat. He couldn't bring himself to say it. The weight was sitting heavily on his chest, rapidly becoming too overbearing to handle.
His head hurt. His throat stung.
Why couldn't he say it?
“S-shintaro… You know, we should really—”
Taiga went to check his watch, but fingers covered the face.
“I like you, Kyomo.”
“I like you.”
The hand that once fit snugly in his palm was so hot, grasped tightly around his wrist.
“I like you.”
His heart was throbbing.
“Won't you say it back like always?”
Those three words were so dense in his mouth.
Those three words that were once like air and sweet like candy were suddenly strangling him. They were sinking, deeper and deeper into his chest until he nearly choked.
His brows furrowed as he forced his lips to move.
“S–... Shintaro, I—-”
The burst of Shintaro’s laughter broke the tension that was building like an overfilled balloon. It shattered into pieces as Taiga watched him nearly double over with his crooked smile, showing the jagged canines in his grin.
“Ahhh!!” Shintaro shouted, letting out a sigh deep from his chest. “I needed that!!”
The place that had been so hot from Shintaro’s palm instantly felt incredibly cold when he let go.
Another deep breath and a stretch, and the Shintaro Taiga always knew was before him again as he let out the air in lungs out all in one go.
“It's about time to go back, right?” He said. “Let's go.”
Taiga just stared, standing frozen as Shintaro passed by him to the door.
“... Ah– uh. Yeah… Sure–...”
“But, Shintaro—!”
“Thank you, Kyomo.”
Shintaro smiled. That smile that never changed.
“I like you.”
The door closed behind him, leaving Taiga alone in the sunlight that suited Shintaro so well.
He sighed, rubbing his face in his hands.
That boy grew up so fast.
If he grew any stronger, Taiga wasn't sure how much more his heart could take.
“I like you too, Shintaro…”